Journal Entries
by snoopydoodles17
Summary: Robin is living in New York with Marian and Roland, simply trying to make it by. He's writing in his journal to help him with his raging emotions over Regina, maybe it's helping, but really it isn't.


_A/N:_

**_This story is in first person because it is in the view of Robin, writing in his journal while in New York._**

_With that said, I hope you enjoy this little side story I'm bringing you. It will be updated regularly, because I can write easier in first person on my phone than I can in third person. Third person is left for my computer :)_

_Robin is in New York with Roland and Marian, missing Regina more and more every day._

_I am open to prompts for this story. Things that can happen - whether it be between Regina and Robin, Robin and Roland, Robin and a life experience...whatever. But please either put them in the reviews or better - __**send them to me on Tumblr.**_****_My Tumblr URL is gypsysfeather, and you can just drop a prompt in my ask. __**PLEASE.**_

_I hope you enjoy, and __**please **__let me know if you like it._

_(Other stories will be updated as well)_

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**December 2****nd****, 2014**

Thirty-one days, nine hours, and fifty-two minutes.

That is the exact time it's been since I've seen her – my true love, my soul mate, the absolute love of my life.

The snow is heavy here in New York City, I've barely gotten by and now we have to heat this apartment. Roland has already caught a nasty cold, this season, and I'm worried I will come down with it as well. We have little food, dirty city water, and we keep the lights off during the day so we can save the little bit of wages I make.

I've found very quickly that there aren't many jobs for me. I found a guitar in the apartment we live in now, must have been left behind from the previous stayers, and I've made money by playing and singing on the streets. Not many people are generous, but there's a time or two where I've been lucky enough to make thirty dollars in one sitting.

Marian is better, she's doing okay, but she's not making much money either. She is a maid at a nearby, cheap hotel; making beds and doing laundry all her days. Meanwhile, Roland is not helping his cold by having to stay out on the streets with me.

This isn't a good life. This isn't the forest I've known and loved, this isn't my life. It's not what I asked for.

Every night the nightmares have gotten worse. They started out as just me crossing the town line, but now I see Regina doing things to herself. I can only wonder if they're true...I can only hope they're not.

I still feel connected to her in some way, like she's still beside me or watching me somehow. Maybe she is? She is still a sorceress, she can do those types of things I suppose. I wish I knew if she was okay...

**December 3****rd****, 2014**

Roland found a dog today, it was homeless, starving, and freezing half to death. I am still almost in tears over the fact that we couldn't keep it, and that he cried and cried for hours because "daddy was taking it away". It broke my heart completely in two to know that the dog could still be out there somewhere...hopefully someone took it in by now. That's what I've had to tell Roland to get him to go to sleep.

The nightmare last night was the worst yet (but...that's all they've been. Worse and worse each night). Regina was in a hospital somewhere, she was more upset than I've ever seen her. She had tears, running down her face and she was looking at something. But in the dream, I couldn't tell what it was. It was like I was hidden behind something, there but not able to move. Thus, I don't know what had her so upset.

Marian and Roland are in the other room, sound asleep. I've been sleeping on the couch. Maybe that's the cause of my nightmares? This horrid couch that I've had to lay on. I can't sleep next to Marian. The first night I tried to lie beside her, but I called her Regina when I said goodnight. After she fell asleep...I left and have been on this couch ever since.

My writing has gotten better, though. I have a feeling Regina would be proud of it. I wasn't taught all that well, but she'd tried to teach me to make it neater before I had to leave. And it's doing better, that's why I'm practicing by writing every night.

I'm trying to write a song, too. I only know a few, and that's just ones that my camp buddies have taught me. I only have a few lyrics...here they are:

"Your dark brown eyes, kill me with every look.

You had me with every step that you took,

Oh, why'd it have to end like this?

Why'd we have to end like this?

I hope she likes it...if I ever get to sing it to her in person.

**December 5****th****, 2014**

I lost my journal for a couple of days, apparently Roland had been using it as a toy to play with. The poor lad, he doesn't have anything to play with but his imagination. Thankfully he has a good one.

Christmas ads have been all over the shops, and he's been begging me for things I simply can't afford. I wish I could...I'd give my boy the world if I were able. Regina and I were making plans for Thanksgiving dinner with Henry and Roland, and I can't help but wonder what Christmas would be like with them. But right now, I don't think I'll ever get back to them.

I haven't thought of anymore words to my song. Every time I start to sit down and write the words, I miss her too much. I can't go on like this. She's too engraved in my mind, too etched in for me to just forget about her and never think about her again. Marian says I will, but how can you forget the one you loved so fully?

**December 6****th****, 2014**

I don't know how much longer I'll be able to live if these dreams keep going on. I keep seeing her, and I can't do anything to help her. I feel worthless. She's lost hope...I feel it in myself. I'm not there to help her. This is my fault. I shouldn't have left.

**December 7****th****, 2014**

I left last night's a bit short. Tear stains were beginning to cover the paper too much, I couldn't keep writing about her and just making my heart break more.

Today, Roland started dancing and found out he could earn a little bit of change. We were in the subway, and there was a few people watching me play and sing, and Roland decided to jump in like he'd seen another street performer do one day.

I'm proud of my boy, he's learning things. I wish he just didn't have to learn them this way...not by struggling through life.

Also, another piece of me broke today, because Marian announced that she's found someone. She talked to me about it, and how could I keep her here in this shit hole? I couldn't. I promised to protect her and I did, and now I just have to wait until someone takes me from this shit hole too. Finds me. Finds us. Who will actually ever find us? I just want Regina back. She's the one who can calm me down, and she's the one I need right now. My heart is still with her, and it just won't come back to me. It won't.

The paper is starting to get wet again. I would blame it on the leak above me but I rigged a bucket to hang from the ceiling to catch the irritating drips of water. It's all me, all my tears. Who cares? No one will read this.

Even I'm losing hope.

**December 8****th****, 2014**

It's blizzarding in the city. We had to go under the ground in the subway just to stay relatively warm. Roland ripped his jacket on a hook, and mine weighed him down too much when he tried it on. So now I have to find some way to buy my poor boy a new jacket. I don't know how I'm going to be able to do it.

Roland asked me today if everything was okay. Why did momma leave? I told him because she found somewhere nice to go, and he asked me why she didn't take him. I couldn't say anything to him. I feel like I'm neglecting him because my emotions are running away from me, but with all of the stress...it's hard to be raising him.

Someone gave me a paper today on giving kids up for adoption. It broke my heart again, because it mentioned orphanages and stuff like that. I thought about it a while, and thought it might be good for him. But what if I never get him back? That's what I'm scared would happen. I couldn't let that happen. He means too much to me.

He's all I have left.


End file.
